Have they lost their minds? Just saying

Goodmorning!

This will be short.

I am listening to the Today show and the next segment is about "No Punishment Parenting" which has made me think that maybe I am getting cranky, or people have lost their minds.

Call me crazy, but I think parents have to be able to set limits and boundaries for their kids.  It is one of the most important jobs we have.  They can't do it on their own.

That's it!

Until next time,

Pam

It's not complicated....And, yes it really is

Hello All,


I first tried to write this entry after I came back from sitting on a bench in Brooklyn New York. That was two weeks ago.  My first attempt began as I was sitting in the apartment that my husband and I have rented in Brooklyn, on my I-Pad, and it was annoying.  I could get the typing portion of my I-Pad to work only when I put the title in, maybe it was trying to tell me it was a bad title because I have changed it here.  I started with the idea that parenting and life could be uncomplicated if we allowed it, and then realized that there may be some people far more than me, but I think for most of us, even if we practice Zen like thinking and advanced Yoga, that life and parenting are often QUITE  complicated.

The idea for this post began, like I said, while I was sitting on a bench two blocks from our New York apartment eating a muffin and enjoying coffee early one morning.  I was watching all the life beginning to emerge around me.  At first it was lovely and quiet and then the pace picked up.  I started seeing the day begin, for real.  In the section of Brooklyn that we rent in, there are many families and lots of them with young children. I observed Moms and Dads taking their kids to school.  Many stopped at the same place I was at to get a morning treat and beverage.  The kids all looked pretty excited because I was sitting outside a bakery.  Actually, the complicated part probably started right there....healthy breakfast items??? Hmmmm...that is not why I was there.

It was fun and entertaining and actually sociologically informative watching all these groups and sets of people.  Some Parents were very engaged with their kids, some were very distracted and one was outright frazzled.  I myself have been in all of these states with my children during that early part of their lives, and maybe I even am at some points these days!  Watching all these people made me think that truly, every parent wants the same things.  They want their children to be healthy and well, smart, socially adjusted, good people, successful at life.  That is probably where the uncomplicated piece stops....cause we all know how we get to that point, and how our children (hopefully) get to that point, is the complicated part.

As my observing continued, one Mom sat down and shared my bench.  You guys know me, I am nice, for the most part, and offered her a place....she was the frazzled Mom.  She had just gotten her daughter a muffin and raced her off to school, preshool...so of course we talked about that, and then came back with her young son and got him a muffin, herself a BIG coffee and sat down on the lovely bench we shared.  Conversation began, and she told me her son had just been so sick, and she had to get her daughter to school and was happy to sit down for a minute or two.  She had not been able to even take a shower yet, and was just glad her son was better.  He had had a bad upper-respiratory infection and even had to have a brief stint in the hospital. So naturally, of course, she was still recovering as well.  And that is how life and parenting gets complicated.  You just never know what will be.

So, today when the complication arises, or if it happens to be one of the lovely days ZERO complications arise, go with it.  Know that you will take care of anything you have to, that you can do it, that love will guide you, and when as the old saying goes "this too shall pass" and it has, have a large coffee, sit on a nice bench and enjoy life.  Celebrate all the small, common, every day parts of life and smile.  It will fortify you for "the next time"!

Life must be pretty complicated for me today, cause I still haven't taken a shower! :)

Until next time.

Pam

Periodically crazy


Hello All!


I do not know about any of you, but periodically I am sure that I am certifiable!

As my kids were growing up, I wanted to teach them by being a good example.  I subscribe to the thought that my kids should see me as someone they could emulate.  My Dad use to say "Do as I say, not as I do."  I think that can work out o.k. for the most part, yet I am really striving to be the "Do as I Do" person.

Last time I was in New York visiting out oldest daughter and my new grandson and her husband, I was really thinking about trying to be laid back and follow their lead, and hope that I was cool...I think I did that.  One night I had the chance to just be with my daughter, and the lovely Max, who soon went to bed.  She asked me what I would change about myself.... and AH HA...there you have it.  I had to reveal what my "crazy" is, and of course she already knew it.   I am neurotic about health issues.  I always think the worst, and so have a hard time not imagining the absolute worst...( of course last year I got whacked a bit along those lines, but it all got resolved) and I told her, I wish that I could change how I think, and that I am constantly working on that!!  Trying to stop the crazy voice in my own head!

You know, each and every one of us is flawed.  Even me... :)

So, if you take anything away from these posts, I would hope that you appreciate that by trying hard and being real and working at being a good parent, your adult daughter (adult children) will love you always and respect what is important.  She will know you and appreciate the fact that even when she outs you by naming the crazy part of you....she knows you have tried hard and will continue to, to be the parent that is attempting to be wise, helpful, real and evolving throughout each and every part of life!

We parents don't have to be perfect.  We just have to try!

I guess THAT is a good lesson in itself!

Until next time,
Pam



Family Style

Hello All!

So, by family style I don't mean buffet!

Last night we were at a family birthday dinner for our oldest daughter, Anne.  She had invited a good friend of hers along.  We were enjoying dinner, and celebrating.  We laughed a lot and told stories about our family and my daughter's husband's family and my daughter in law Megan's family and then... we got to the part of the evening where it was coffee time.

My husband likes his coffee super sweet...and we keep trying to have him give up Sweet and Low, (not with much success) so Anne's mother in law pulled out a container of small pills that are a sweetener she carries from Europe.  She passed the container over to Bill ( my husband) and this is where it got interesting.  Anne commented that it looked like we were passing small drugs out... and then she proceeded to share with her friend, Katlyn, ( sorry Caitlin?) the story of her brother's run in with me, his mother about an hysterical misunderstanding that happened in his senior year of high school. Surmise it to say that I accused him of all sorts of things due to circumstantial evidence, and really put his feet to the fire...not literally of course, I do pride myself on being a good Mom!  The story involved police and hospitals and lots and lots of me yelling at our son, Bill.

Katlyn, at this point, was in hysterics.  She said that at her house, if this would have happened, her Mom or Dad or someone would have thrown all the contraband out, and that would have been it.  They never would have taken it to the level that I chose to...AND there we go!  Family Styles!

I like to pride myself on that fact that my husband and I have succeeded at raising 3 competent, smart, caring and quality individuals.  Yes, of course that is my opinion, but here, it is the only one that counts!  (I have though, received independent collaboration) Here is the point:  I truly believe that kids need all they can get from us in terms of guidance and clear vision and accountability. I guess some kids will turn out fine without that, and maybe they are genetically wired to be successful no matter what, but I think (yes I used the crazy word "but") without parents who hold their kids accountable and set limits and boundaries and actually discipline them, society would be complete anarchy!

So, today if your kid does something bad, or you are not sure if he has done something bad, or you are thinking her may have done something bad....BUST HIM!   Kids need us to show them the way to be.  The way to be responsible and accountable.  They have plenty of friends, and only 1 set of parents.

Be the bad guy when you should!!

You'll have great stories to share later!

Until next time,

Pam

Tonight

Hello!

I sit here tonight thinking about going to New York tomorrow to visit with the lovely Max, our grandson and I wonder....how does life go so very fast?  I think of my grandmother who used to say that time went faster the older you became.... Well, I think she was right!

Here's to enjoying and participating and being present in every minute, even the ones we would like to forget!

Enjoy!

Pam

Friday...

Hello!

I was trying to think of something clever to write about today.  I started by looking at the photos on my i photo.  I realized that they tell a great story.  I of course only know how to work part of that whole i photo thing.... I have at least advanced to being able to open it and actually send files!  That for me is a great triumph, baby steps yes, but for me great!

So, as I looked at the latest import, I realized that all my photos are about family and places and events we have all been at together.  There are photos of trips and travels and graduations and birthdays and weddings and now....BABIES!  Actual new little people that are the next generation in this family.

What a cool thing...family!  Yes, I know we all have those stories and events that make us want to pull our hair out, and even in my case there are some people that make me want to pull a lot of my hair out.  I would be funny looking and maybe just accepting that we don't get to pick our family, is a better idea.  I was talking with my brother yesterday and we used that age old line " You can pick your friends and your nose, but you can not pick your family."  And, maybe that is exactly how it should be.  The whole big jumbled mess of love and angst and triumph that means family.

So, maybe on this Friday, pause and celebrate and enjoy even those most annoying family members and know that family is what life is all about.  

Happy weekend!

Until next time,

Pam

Just how it is...

Hello!

Short thought today....

When we were in Austin for our son's wedding....and I was looking at him and he was so obviously happy it made me happy....and Anne, our oldest said she was really happy, and that when her new baby son was happy, she was happy....I thought....and THAT is how it goes.

It starts the minute children are born....when they are happy, we are happy....and that is just how it is.


Happy weekend! (At least until someone is not :))

Pam


Right there...

Hello All!


This morning, as I was trying to get myself motivated to exercise on our treadmill, I put in an old VCR tape of the Whoopie Goldberg  movie Sister Act Two, yes we actually still have an old TV with a built in VCR!  I needed motivation and something fun to watch while walking on the treadmill.  The movie is one that I hadn't watched for quite awhile.  It was fun and got me thinking.

Sister Act Two is not a deep movie, yet some scenes had me running around looking for a pen to write down thoughts.  In the film, there is a young girl who really just wants to sing.  Her mom is against it, and of course, that is often a theme in movies about teenagers.  The Ying and the Yang between parent and child....what we want for them and what they want, our desire to protect, and guide and shelter them from what our life experience tells us, and the harder parts of life.  I am sure most parents can relate to that kind of thought process.

I am a new Grandma.  Most of you know that.  I was talking with Anne last night and listening to her as she is in the earliest of stages of trying to figure out what is good for her son, Max, and why.  I listened to all that she was saying, and I am trying to be a good listener and not give opinions unless asked.  As I was thinking this morning about all that she and I talked about, and as I watched this silly movie, I decided again that what good parents do best is think about what they want for their kids, watch and listen and learn about their kids, learn what their children want, and then meld the two.  It is a balancing act.  Figuring out how at each stage of your and your child's life to balance your fears as a parent with the desires and dreams of your children.  The ultimate goal is to help our children be who they are meant to become, not what we want them to be.

It is the never ending part of parenting.  Trying always to encourage and guide and help our children become all that they are meant to be and keep them safe and well through the process.

On to Part Two... can't wait to see all that baby Max becomes.  Of course right now he is working on smiling and holding his head up.  His parents, Anne and Patrick, are encouraging him every step of the way!

Hey we all started right there...

Until next time,

Pam




Ah....First Christmas AND a Wedding....

Hello All!


First Christmas, and a Wedding!


I am not even sure how to process all the stuff that is going on....

Life has so many events and moments and parts, and evolutions, you know what I mean.

In light of all that happened in our country this last week, I am taking time to embrace all that is good...relishing the moments, remembering to pause and appreciate.

So, this next week will be a First Christmas, and then a wonderful celebration, the marriage of our son and his lovely bride....

Blessings....

Can't wait!

Happy and healthy holidays!

Until next year,
Pam

The Mystery...

Hello All.


As I sit here late on a Friday night, after spending the morning and afternoon with Anne and the lovely baby Max,  I am thinking about the power of one person.  One little special person to a number of people that multiplies exponentially, as we text and share and smile at the arrival of a new life and all that means.  After just two weeks on earth, this one little boy has added depth and joy and love to so many....

Imagine... if we can all continue to think like that, and embrace the joy of each life....all that that would bring.....


Until next time.

Pam

waiting...

Hello All!


Waiting....we are playing the waiting game...

Will post again after the new baby decides to make her/his appearance....darn kids...they let you know right from the beginning that you are only sort of in charge!

Until the baby arrives,

Pam

p.s.  Anne's business is back up and running...am thankful for that...hey...how about everyone checking out Saxelby Cheesemongers... and place an order....as my surrogate son Kevin would say "That would be great!"

Resilience...aka how not to be a WIMP

Hi All,

This will probably be a shorter post...

I have been thinking about Resilience.  I have capitalized it because I think that makes it look more important, stand out..

In this past week one of our children has had to deal with a major set back.  She has a business in New York that suffered a lot of damage due to "Super Storm Sandy".  As a parent, you think about what you can do when your kids are going through challenges, and the best answer I think is support.  However that looks, your physical presence, your words on the phone or email, texts etc.

During this time of Anne evaluating and assessing what is needed, I have to say, I am proud of her.  Of course as a parent, and if you are someone who chooses to read these posts, you are probably quite involved in your children's lives.  My husband and I had a goal to make, or I guess help, our kids develop life skills that would serve them well, in all of life... the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Life does not often present Nirvana, yet life is often really good.  In  my opinion, if we as parents are able to help our kids grow into resilient adults, we have done them a great service.

Resilience, as defined by my computer dictionary is:
"the power to recover readily from adversity"

And then, to take it one step further, help our kids be able to demonstrate and practice Resiliency...
Resiliency.....defined as " the ability to spring back".

As I continue to go through life now as a parent of adults, I think those 2 qualities are the best gift we can give our children....in any age or stage.

I can still be quite a wimp....but at least they aren't!


Until next time,

Pam



Asking...

Hello!

Last night I went to a Skin of Steel event.

I am revisiting a summer post.
I ask everyone to take a minute and think about how important your skin is.

Check out Skin of Steel.

Make a donation to help set up a tissue bank right here in Chicago.
Tissue banks for breast cancer changed the treatment, outcome and survival rates for that disease.
Everyone has skin, not just women.

www.skinofsteel.org

It matters.  Your donation could be the one to make this happen.

Do it.

Until next time, Pam

Phase .01

Hello!

So to begin the next phase of this blogging attempt of mine.

First, I want to put a disclaimer on here that my grammar and spelling, although I will attempt to be correct, may not always be.  I have discovered that although I feel I have become more able with this whole computer thing, I still have more that I don't know to learn. Yes, I am sure that there are many tools, links, apps, I have no idea about, and so far, for the last 56 years, I have been fine without them.  I will continue to attempt update my skills, yet I do not have a deadline for that accomplishment.

As I said in my last blog, already a whole month ago, I am going to try a new format idea.  Maybe format is not the right word, but a new way of sharing.  I had to first ask all my kids, and by all I mean 3, if it was okey dokey with them if I actually talked about them in this next attempt, and they said "Yes".  We will see if that stands... :)  I have of course shared some stories about them throughout the past 3 years in my blogging, but here I want to design this next part as a "How to Grow a Family" idea, and all that comes with that...all that my husband and I know of what we have done and shared and learned up to this point.  And, we are at a new point...we are about to become Grandparents for the first time.  A new chapter, a new chapter for our whole family, each and every one.  Bill and I will become Grandparents, and the main character is yet to be announced...we do not know who this baby is, or even if it is a he or she.  Anne and Patrick are going to be parents for the first time, I suppose they technically already are, or there would be no baby on the brink of arrival.  My other children Megan, and Bill and Bill's fiancee Megan, are about to become aunts and an uncle....a big new chapter for all of them too!  I know I had a phone conversation with my daughter, Megan, yesterday and she was informing me that her goal is to be a big player in this new person's life.  When I talked with Anne today, she said Bill and his Megan are excited about babysitting. And, Bill and I are renting an apartment in New York for 6 weeks, at the request of Anne and Patrick, to be there. To help them, to be right down the street instead of a plane ride away...so here we go!

I titled this Blog Phase .01 because I thought it was clever ( self serving of me) and thought it described  the facts.  Anne and Patrick and all of us in this family are about to be part of a big new adventure, yet we are all still in the waiting phase.  I also thought about calling this blog a number of other things, like
"No Clue", "Blissful Ignorance", "What Have We Done", "No One Told Me", you get the idea.

I had the chance today to have a lovely conversation with Anne, one of the main players in this new endeavor, about how she was feeling and what she was doing.  She shared with me that she was talking recently to a number of new Moms who took some time off before the baby arrived to settle and get organized and catch their breath before the baby arrived.  I told her I thought that was an idea that held a lot of merit.  Yet, knowing my daughter, she will decide for herself what makes sense, and how these last few weeks of waiting will look for her.  I told her what I thought....that was it.  She gets to make up her own mind.

And, so we come to the part of the blog that I think really gets to it.  When you are expecting your first child, you really, and I mean really, have NO CLUE about what your life will become quite shortly.  I know that I shared a story in one of my previous blogs, about the first night we brought Anne home from the hospital.  Every time we brought her into our bedroom to feed her, we thought it would be a great idea to change her diaper on our bed, and it took us 6 times to realize that maybe that was not a good idea, as she peed all over our bed each and every time.  REALLY?  Yes, really...you would have thought that given the fact that Bill and I both have college degrees and are, in my opinion, pretty smart people, that we did not need that big of a learning curve, yet we did!  I laugh now and love to share that story, and it also speaks to the heart of parenting, trial and error.

No one truly knows what it is like to be a parent until it actually happens.  I know that Bill and I had a rough idea of what we were hoping to be and do as parents.  I know Anne and Patrick have talked about it.  I love them both, yet know although the talk is good, important and necessary, all it is right now is talk.  Becoming a parent is an action verb.  Parent is a noun, and parenting is a verb.  When we become parents, we spend the rest of our lives in the action verb phase.  I know that at 56 I am still in that phase, and love it.

I told Anne today as we were talking, that although you can imagine what holding your baby will be like, you can not anticipate the unadulterated joy and unconditional love you will feel and have once you get to actually meet your baby.  I shared with her again, how I felt holding her.  Soon, I will get to hear her version of that unique, life changing event.  I can't wait....

Let the games begin..... I am off to buy a crib and and some other new baby bed that connects right to Anne and Patrick's for the baby's first months.......and attend a Baby Shower in New York, where I am the Grandmother to be....WOW!

Until next time,

Pam

Firsts



Hello!

It is the first of firsts I am thinking about. The first time I have sat down to write in a while. The first day I have not gone to preschool the day after labor day for 20 years. The first September without my Mom. The first fall I am totally in charge of myself. The first time I am contempalting a grandchild. The first time I am trying to figure out what to do with myself for a long long time.

Today I saw Jamie Lee Curtis on the Today Show. I like her. She is a woman who seems to take on life as she sees fit. I also like what she had to say about her life, and how it has evolved. She shared with the host on the show, Natalie Morales, (sorry if your last name is spelled incorrectly Natalie) that life presents it's way to her. She said she is not one of those people who makes a plan and works a plan. She is the kind of person who opens herself to ideas, and then sees what happens.

I like that thought! My husband is a planner extrordinaire. He makes a plan, works a plan, and delivers on the plans he sets. I on the other hand, have always been a more "fly by the seat of my pants" kind of gal. ( I love that word "Gal"). I have generally designed my life around major events and chapters in life. I finished highschool, went to college, got married, raised our family, started teaching preshool when our youngest went to school...etc. Now, for the first time, I have no life event to plan my life around or decide what my next step should be.

Jamie Lee Curtis has written a new children's book. That is why she was on the Today Show in the first place. To promote her book. I think I may have to get it. I think she said it is about taking risks and the things we as parents say to our kids all the time. Things like "Go ahead! Try something new. Believe in yourself. Take a risk. Join a new group at school. Try it what do you have to loose" and other parent type things we all say to our kids as they are growing up. I have personally said most if not all of those things to my own children. Now, guess what? I have to say them to myself.

So, now I think the first thing I am going to do is figure out how I want to re-tool this blog. I have some ideas, I have some thoughts. Now I just have to go ahead and try something new.

I still say all those types of things to my adult kids. I guess now I will have to put my money where my mouth is and do it!


Stay tuned...

Until next time,

Pam

The Gift...addendum

Hi!

My Husband's mantra is:

Decide what you want to tell people
Tell them
Tell them again

Here's my point.
1.) Stuff happens
2.) Decide how to deal-be a good example to your kids
3.) Do something that matters
4.) Make a difference

I choose to ask all of you to check out-

skinofsteel.org/


We all have skin. It matters!

Until next time,

Pam