The Equality Issue....


I wanted to write today, but did not have the inspiration I was searching for.  Luckily I had a fun morning conversation with my friend Eileen.

We were chatting about our kids and where they're at in life.  Eileen has three grown children as well, and we were talking about how even though they are all grown up, we still think about how to make sure that each one gets treated equally.  We came to the conclusion that equal is really not possible, but equitable is!

From the time you have more than one child, at least I did, you think about how to make sure everyone's needs are met and met in a way that demonstrates equality for all.  Unlike having a favorite child, I think you need to have a favorite part, quality, personality trait, in each and every child you have.  I would guess there is already plenty in Literature about how someone got "the shaft" because they were not treated well or equitably by their parents.  Oh yeah!  There already is at least one famous story out there... Cinderella!

My three adult children are all different, and to that end, what each of them needs, desires and aspires to is quite different.  I think the goal of an effective, dare I even say good parent, is to figure out how to play to those parts.  See what each child needs, don't concentrate on equal, concentrate on meeting needs.  And honestly, even though we may want to give our children all that they want, that is probably not the best idea for their long term development.  I think the Rolling Stones say it best in the line "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes well you might find you get what you need."

How that looks is different for everyone.  It may mean you help your adult kids with a home purchase, or your new teacher with a car, or your son with his next quest to be a Steady-Cam operator.  In reality, it has nothing to do with money at all.  Actually, it is probably best demonstrated by my friend Eileen's story about Easter with her three daughters years ago.  She made sure that each child's basket had equal amounts of candy and fluff and fun.  I am going to go out on a limb here though, and bet that in each of those baskets the bunnies were different.... I  bet there was a yellow one, a purple one and a pink one... depending on what each child's favorite color was... just sayin'.

So, here's to embracing our kids, celebrating their uniqueness and striving always to help them become who they truly are.

                                                 I love this picture.....

 Until next time,