Uh Oh!!!


So today is Monday November 8th, 2010, and I am having to think about living the advice that I give!

My youngest daughter was home this weekend. It was so lovely to have her here! I got to do the Mom thing and enjoy her company and listen to what is on her mind, and share ideas with her about the conference she attended this week about education, and how to be an even better teacher. It was great!!! I got to make her a lovely dinner (well I think it was lovely) and make her her favorite breakfast Sunday morning. We took a lovely long walk. My husband and I got to converse with her about all that she has done these last few weeks, all that she has learned, and even play with her great dog, Gus. And.....then she left! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

There you have it! My conundrum! I talk all the time on this blog about doing what is necessary and important to create fully functioning adults. People, people who are competent and able. I spend a lot of time thinking about what I believe is important to kids in the process of parenting. I think about what makes good and successful people. I hope that people listen to what I am saying, or appreciate what I am writing and sharing. Now, I have to admit, that even though I think we have done all that with our grown up kids.....I MISS THEM!

Plain and simple if you do your job right and well your kids leave! They are suppose to leave, but in the reality of that, and the exhaustion that can accompany all that you do to make that happen, you actually have to let them go. That is where I have realized that in all reality I am a weeny!!!! I tell you what is necessary to help kids grow well, what type of time and energy is important for parents to invest in their kids. I comment on filling up their buckets, loving them well, providing a good example and cherishing them for who they are and who they need to become, not for what we may want them to be. All of that is great! However, in the process of doing all that hopefully well, you do accomplish the goal of creating fully independent functioning adults. Yes, no one is perfect, that would be boring. We don't want to create perfect people, as that is actually an oxymoron!! I just know that today, Monday November 8th, my pretty fully functioning kids are now all off doing their own thing! Yay to me and my husband, I guess, ...but, crap! Now they all actually live in other cities and have that thing called "their own life."

So, why am I whining in this blog-o-sphere? I am whining because I realize that I am human too. Somewhere in the process of having these children and loving these children and guiding these children, I fell in love with each and every one of them. Actually, I think you fall in love with your children as soon as they are born, and that just reinforces itself with time and sweat equity! So, what do you do with that once they are gone????????

I read an article recently about Julie Bowen, the actress on Modern Family, which is in my opinion, a hilarious show and fun commentary on what makes family. She said that while she was pregnant with her twins, one of her doctors told her to give her children 75% of herself, and save the other 25% for herself and her life. I think that is actually a brilliant idea! Now that I am sitting here confessing that I miss my grown up kids. Of course, in the process of parenting and raising this family, I have tried to be a good example and done other things than be a Mom. I am a woman, a wife, an educator, a part time counselor , a daughter, and hopefully a good friend to many, and now attempting to become a writer...hmmm. I think that I am trying to evolve. Maybe that is why I am even writing this piece today, an attempt to evolve..admit my own short comings, tell all of you that I do not know it all! Yikes!

So, what do I do from here? I thought about that this morning before I came over to Starbucks to write. I am taking advantage of their free wi-fi and not sitting in my house. Our house has way too many pictures of my kids for me not to feel that I want to pick up the phone and do that obsessive compulsive thing I have been known to do ....call them until they pick up! I am here, writing, thinking, trying to say something useful and maybe even helpful to other parents out there. Last night I was at a an event for a local charity and was heartened by comments from parents that were there also, of kids I had in my class over the years. It felt good to hear them say that what I had done mattered, and that a few even take the time to read this blog...thanks!

The mature grown up part of me is trying to balance out the weeny part of me. Maybe that is not actually fair, or even right. Maybe the weeny part of all good moms and dads is that extra "It" factor that makes us good parents. Maybe it is the emotional part of us that allows us to give all that is necessary to create excellent adults. Maybe that is the part that lets a good mom stay home from a fun vacation offer because her son cried when she mentioned that if she went, she would be missing his concert at school, and yes there will be other concerts, but he cried...THAT matters! So this mom, in my opinion, is doing the right thing and embracing her inner weeny and staying home..there will be other vacations, but this is his only 8 year old concert. I applaud her decision!

Maybe that is the point of all my ramblings today. Maybe the point I am making is that when you fall in love with your kids, which I hope all parents do, is that you know your full time job has an expiration date on it, and that you embrace that! Do all that is necessary to create great adults, love them completely and without exception. Then, go one extra step, and show then also how to be a great adult example through what you do. Be whole and human and real and keep evolving yourself. The process of parenting becomes part time as our kids become adults, but is always full time in your hearts. That's a given. But, acknowledging that, keep growing and evolving yourself. Our kids learn volumes from that too!

O.K!!! That is what I am trying to do today! Evolve. Maybe if I sit here long enough a publisher will magically swoop in and ask me what I am writing about and love it! Who knows? It could happen.... :)

Until, next time