Hi All,
I heard this topic mentioned the other day.
Prolonged Grief Disorder???
HMMMMMM…..
I had the most amazing opportunity last week to spend time with 3 of my dearest friends. We were able to spend 5 days together at our home on the water. The only reason I had “on the water” is because being near the water has always been soul quenching for me, and for these wonderful friends.
I had not seen one of my friends for quite some time, and actually I think the last amount of time we spent together in the same space that was prolonged, was at Anne’s funeral.
So being together I knew we would talk… she had given me space I had asked for…
This grief process is tricky… Gut wrenching, depleting, overwhelming, educational and yes, also filled with love. This is what we discussed…
Notice I said “grief process”. It is a process, and it is a life long process.
When I saw the topic of:
“Prolonged Grief Disorder” I laughed.
When you love someone … truly love someone… grief is a life long companion.
Some days the companion is loving, some days distressing, some days unbearable.
The problem with thinking that prolonged grief is a “disorder” is that that thought process judges … it judges how grief is “supposed “to be dealt with.
And in Grief there is ABSOLUTELY NO SUPPOSED TO BE.
By even coming up with this idea, this thought process, the reality of loss, is being categorized, as if there is a 5 step process to work through, and then you are all done… this is not how it works.
Before we lost Anne, I had read the books about the 5 steps of Grief… interesting ideas.
But after we lost Anne, I realized that is just not reality.
Making anyone feel that you need to get over your loss, not talk about it, bury it, be done, is just not the reality.
Grief is love… both of which are life long.
One of my dear friends who I had the gift of spending time with last week, lost a child many years ago. I lost my child about 18 months ago… the times are identical. Deep Grief, the loss of someone you love, does not resolve itself ever.
What does happen, in my experience of it at this point in my journey, is it ebbs and flows, like a wave.
Some days the waves are calm, some days not. Like the Ocean, it is ever evolving…. never the same.
So the idea of a disorder with carrying prolonged grief is fodder for professionals to label someone… and that only makes the process of living with grief harder.
There is absolutely no shame in Grief…
Grief is part of living….
My friend and I who share the same reality of the loss of a child are doing this every day. Living and carrying our grief with us.
That is the reality… you carry your grief with you… and yes it is prolonged… it’s always part of your life… as is the person you lost… as is your love for them.
There is no disorder in prolonged grief.
There is the reality of how to live your life without your person in it … for the rest of your life.
That my friends is the reality…
Living, loving, carrying…
Thanks for reading,
Pam