Hi all!
A brand new year… just like that, 2023 is in the past.
Every year at this time I ponder what I dream of for this new year. And as we all know, manifesting our dreams is a mindset.
Dreams… hopes… goals as we start each new year… they bring a sense of excitement and hopefulness.
One of the dreams I have always had is to help people.
When I was in High School they had us take one of those aptitude tests that offers insight into your personal strengths and areas of interest for what you might choose to study and follow a passion as you navigate the next part of your life.
For me, that next part of my life, was college.
I was the first one in my family to be offered that opportunity… and even though I was a bit terrified at journeying out, I was also really excited about learning, taking classes ( I have always loved school I’m a bit of a geek…:) discovering what I was going to grow up to do!
I think, given that I graduated from High School in 1974, I had some different freedoms than women who had preceded me , even by just 5 years.
I though about classes… and wondered what I could truly excel at. I already knew it wasn’t math… but I had always thought about helping others… and so psychology was something I pondered, as was education. Both had shown up on that High School aptitude test, as areas of strength.
After my fist semester I realized that psychology was not exactly what I thought it would be. It included quite a bit of math, including predictions and probability.
I am a bit of a perfectionist so when the midterm grades came out, and I was pushing a C at best… I bailed!
However, as I pivoted into Education, and was able to take adolescent psychology and child psychology, I realized that I was going to be able to make a difference by educating kids, and through that path, give them opportunities to find their best selves!
I truly enjoyed teaching… and through the variety of age groups I worked with, I was able to touch so many lives… little to big.
When my husband and I had out first child, Anne, I chose to stay home… and honestly at that time, I was in the minority of my friends.
Young women had the choice to follow a career path where they got to make more of their own decisions on what that would be,
I do not regret that choice. I know that even when I was pulling my hair out, I still wanted to be, along with my husband, the biggest influencers in their lives.
Now, all these years later, especially after loosing Anne prematurely, I am even more grateful that I made that choice and had that time.
The chance to influence your children, to guide them, to help them be who they are supposed to be, is so wonderful.
For me, that was my best gift.
Each of us has choices to make, and choosing is hard. There is absolutely no perfect plan or perfect choice.
I realize now, as I am obviously much further along in my life’s journey, that choosing, is always part of life.
We do not know what will present and what we will have to deal with in our lives.
As I begin this new year, I am going to learn and put myself back into a learning environment.
After Anne died, I was given a book entitled “It’s OK that You’re Not OK” by Megan Devine.
I am choosing to start a new journey, one that I hope will allow me the opportunity to help others who have the devastating loss of a loved one.
I will be taking a course that she is offering that I hope will give me both knowledge and grace.
Knowledge to be informed, and grace to be able to sit next to someone who is grieving.
I hope to help change how we talk about and “do” grief in this country.
I hope to help continue the conversation that there is no right or wrong way to grieve….
It’s personal to and for each and every one of us.
As I learn, I will share with you.
I know, in my soul, that Anne will be accompanying me and guiding me on this new journey. She’s my guiding light….
Thanks for reading,
Pam