Hi all,
Last week I started my class with Megan Devine about how to change the way we talk about Grief.
It was so enlightening and gave me pause to understand how/why it’s so difficult for any of us to discuss.
First, in Western Society we treat Grief as a a disease. Something to be gotten rid of, and even in the new Psych manuals, Grief is listed as a disorder especially if it’s considered to be lasting too long.
Who decided that?
And that is the issue.
I can vouch for myself that before we lost Anne I too did not know how to discuss it.
I lost both of my parents, and that was horrible, yet expected… so when I went through that, the normal platitudes sufficed.
After loosing Anne, they just no longer worked.
As I learn more, I will share with you.
My mission in taking this class is to help begin a new conversation about Grief … take away some of the terror we all feel when we try to figure out how to help ourselves, and someone we love.
Grief is thought of as one of the Dark Emotions… something to be avoided at all costs.
And yet, none of us will avoid it in our lives, and some will have more experiences with it than others.
We find Grief so terrifying that we work to forget it and strive not to talk about it.
I used the phrase at the beginning “Keep Calm…”. During our first session, Megan Devine used this phrase an an example of how history has handled Grief… the idea of a stiff upper lip, literally soldier on. This phrase is from WWII… when the British people were being bombed daily.
The idea was to repress and not discuss… keep moving forward…
To some people, this is still the favored response. Repress, repress, repress.
The problem with doing that though, is your Grief does not go away… it just gets buried. And in being buried, rots inside you.
What I am learning is that though many of us are good intentioned, we do not allow a comfort zone for Grief discussion.
I can admit to that myself, when it affected others in my past. I wanted to move through it quickly, and in doing so, I know I was not a good assist to anyone who might have needed me.
Grief is sooooooooo uncomfortable. It is not something any of us go looking for.
Grief makes us nervous, and anxious and by that very essence, we want to get rid of it…
But… Grief does not go away. It can not be fixed, it can not be lost, it doesn’t leave.
And that is why it’s so very necessary to find a helpful way to live with it.
To be able to feel comfortable speaking your truth, that is what we need to strive for.
When we learn to live with the discomfort of the reality of Grief and invite honest conversation, that is when we begin to help grieving people.
I am excited to learn more in these next few weeks, and months.
And if anything I say here or share is helpful or enlightening or offers a new way of thinking about Grief, I am glad,
Thanks for reading,
Pam