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As adults, we understand that death is a part of life, but for children, it can be difficult to grasp. So, how are you supposed to tell your child that their loved one has passed away? Author Christopher Haymon explains that it won’t be easy, and it may be a little uncomfortable, but it is a conversation you need to have.
Responses May Vary
Children have a way of sensing when something is wrong, and the tears in your eyes will most certainly give it away. Rather than try to shelter your child from it, explain to them what has happened. As Psychology Today points out, when your child learns about the death of their loved one, their response can range from anger and sadness to complete incomprehension. How you approach the subject with your child will depend on their level of mental comprehension, and you may have to adjust the way you approach it. Perhaps your child would better understand a book with pictures.
When a difficult topic such as death is broached, it can open the floodgates of information, but it is better to share information with your child in small doses. Answer any questions they may have, but realize it is okay to say, “I don’t know.” Encourage your child to express their emotions, whether that is crying, retreating to a quiet space, or drawing a picture. Each and every child will react differently, so it is truly a learn-as-you-go experience.
Teach Them How to Memorialize
An important and cathartic way to cope with the passing of a loved one is by honoring them with any number of ways to memorialize their life. This can be as simple as planting a tree in their name, supporting a cause or organization that was near and dear to their heart, or asking family and friends to write down special memories and create a memory jar with everyone’s thoughts.
If a loved one died of an illness like cancer or Alzheimer's, your child and family can raise money for awareness and help spread the word. You can use a free online pamphlet template to create informational pamphlets to pass out in your neighborhood, at your church, or even on social media.
Make a Plan for the Future
When we experience the death of a loved one, oftentimes we begin to think about our own death. As the parent, it is your job to make sure your child is cared for now and in the future. This care may even extend into adulthood. Start by choosing a caregiver for your child – this should be someone who not only knows your child, but is prepared to take on the responsibility.
Now is a good time to make legal considerations such as determining what public programs are available to provide care and support for your child such as Medicaid, Supplemental Security Income (SSI), and Social Security. If you haven’t done so already, Mundahl Law suggests setting up a trust for your child as early as possible. Obviously you plan on leaving something to your child, whether it is money or property, but doing so could disqualify your child from being eligible for government benefits. By creating a trust, a trustee will be responsible for spending the money on behalf of your child, and their benefits can continue.
The death of a loved one is difficult for everyone involved, but for your child, it can be a time of extreme sadness and confusion. Be patient with your child as you explain what has happened, and utilize coping methods best suited to their disability. Use this time to plan for the future — you never know what tomorrow may bring.
Books by author Pam Saxelby reflect her ability to tap into children's emotional world: their questions, worries and joys. Reach out today for more info!