Family... your first critics...

Hi All!

I am thinking about family as your first critics...

I have the opportunity to work with a great young woman who is helping me with  JOISE THE GREAT, and one of the topics she asked me about was working with family... getting their feedback and response when you're doing something creative.

First, it's hard to put yourself out there.  Just saying, it takes a certain amount of guts and risk to write something and ask others to read it... I liken it to standing in a room butt naked... you're completely exposed...

You know, though, family is a great first critic... they  love you, so if what you are doing sucks... they tend to be gentle in their feedback.

My first couple of attempts at book ideas were met with ... "Hmm... some of that is good.. BUT..." they were kind...

I kept trying... and when I came up with MAX AND BEAR.... everyone was in!  YAY!!!

After I did that... JOSIE was harder... I had a couple of drafts... and got some very specific feedback that was truly useful in how she turned out... it was hard at first, because the feedback was pretty tough... but, and thankfully, it was useful and honest and helpful.

You truly can count on family... they will be honest with you, even if you don't like it... 

And.... they do have your back...

Until next time,

Pam

And... encouraging passions...

Hello!

I was thinking as I re-read my last post...

I wanted to say to all parents, most importantly parents of young adults trying to figure out what to do with their lives... Encourage your kids to follow their passions, figure out their own dreams, and go for it!

Our oldest daughter, Anne, who is the illustrator of my new book, had two thoughts as she was contemplating college... art and business.

Contrary to perhaps the norm... my husband told Anne to study Art... he said, "You can always figure out the business part, you can't figure out the talent... you have such a talent you need to pursue what you are passionate about."

Now... 15 years later, Anne is the successful proprietor of Saxelby Cheesemongers in New York city... AND has just debuted as a children's book illustrator...

Passion or pragmatic?

Life is short... too short to spend your time doing what you hate... as an adult we may not be happy to go to work every day, but if you guide your children to follow their passions... they may actually be happy at work... at least most days! 

Today's thought...

Until next time,

Pam

All grown up... and collaborating... THE BEST!

Hello all!

Having adult children... the best!  

At this point in my life, it's time to reap the rewards of trying hard not to mess up my kids too much... which is the point of this whole blog.  How to try and raise people... good, intelligent, competent people.  

Our three children are all grown, they live and work on their own, they make a living that supports them, and they are people I am proud to know.  

My husband and I consistently advised our children to follow their passions, pursue their dreams and make work something you are excited about... at least most of the time!

Now, one of those three people, our oldest daughter Anne, has helped me with my passion... writing books for kids... children's picture books.  We got to do it together!

I came up with my first book idea about 3 years ago.  At that time, I asked all of the family for their input... built in editors and critics.  That worked well, and my first book, MAX AND BEAR, was published in June of 2014.

Then... I had an idea for my next book... and Anne, having graduated from NYU with a degree in fine art, said "Hey, I want to do the art for this book!" ( She hasn't been slacking off.. she spent the last 10 years using her art to build an artisan cheese store in New York, called Saxelby Cheesemongers.)

I was thrilled... so off we went... building this fun new book together!

Both of my books, MAX AND BEAR, and now JOISE THE GREAT, are stories based on Anne's children.  I had spent so much time trying to come up with the right story ideas... it really is true that the best ones come from your own life. Who knew? Just have adorable grandchildren!

We began by talking about the story, reworking the manuscript, thinking about the look of the book, and off Anne went!  Every couple of weeks I would receive the newest and latest drawing... it was like opening a wonderful present each time I received one.

This new book has an entirely different look from the first one.  It is more whimsical and fun, more personal, and of course that is due to Anne.  Who knows how to draw their children better than their own Mommy?  ( If had to draw that would be a sad story, as I have absolutely no artistic talent!)

What a blast it has been to see what Anne drew... to see how my words were brought to life by her pictures... she even got input from the real life Max, who told her that in one of the drawings the bridge had to go somewhere...it couldn't stop on just part of the page!

When your children are little, and you're immersed in the process of helping them become who they are meant to be, you don't think about how that might look 20 years later.

Twenty years goes by WAY too fast... and then you get to collaborate with your own talented adult daughter on a project that brings a whole new depth to your relationship. 

 Now we get the chance to enjoy the finished project... together!

Let's see what happens next...

Anne wants to do the art for my next book too!

Pam

Parenting 101...

Hello!

I have been thinking about being a parent... I have been one for a long time... 

Our oldest is 35, and yes, time does truly fly by.... our youngest daughter is 33 and our son, the baby... :)  is 28.

During all those years, I would say that I was a good parent... not perfect, not horrible, good.

I think back to one of the first blogs I wrote, a number of years ago, when I came up with what I felt were general guidelines for parenting.  There were about 6 things I think, yet I have decided which one I feel, and or course this is my opinion, is the most important.

Unconditional love.... that is the basis of parenting.   There are lots of other things that go into it as well, yet I feel this premise... loving your child unconditionally, is the most basic and important thing we can do to and for our kids.

When you become a parent, during the whole evolution of anticipating and preparing for your child's arrival, you change.  You are no longer only responsible for yourself.   You are responsible for another being... in every way.  Humans are born completely dependent on others for care.  We are helpless.  Babies need adults to ensure that they survive.  

When you see your child for the first time, that love you feel... it is hard to explain.

I have had the pleasure of feeling that 3 times on my own, and now have had the beautiful gift of watching my children experience that feeling as well.... I have 3 grandchildren.

We were out with all of our family last week, the youngest grandchild was baptized and I thought about unconditional love, and the power that has.

When you love someone unconditionally, you're not giving them a get out jail free pass, you're undertaking the task of doing the hard work it takes to help a child become a good and competent person.  A person who can stand on their own and make their own way in this world.

I would also argue, that loving unconditionally means you have to do the hard work of providing boundaries, correcting behavior, setting appropriate limits, teaching your child how to love themselves well, love others well, respect others, and lead with integrity.  

Leading with love... such a good thing.  When our kids feel loved, when we demonstrate that we love them, no strings attached, through the good, the bad, and the ugly, we help them become functioning capable people.

Unconditional love... such a good thing... and the best thing you can do and give your child....

Parenting 101... love your children unconditionally.

Until next time,

Pam