Stages...

Hi all!

So… hope everyone had a great Holiday… even with ALL the stuff that comes with that time of the year…Family can be fabulous.. and well… FAMILY!

I just got back to our home in South Florida… it’s a bit too quiet right now, without all the wonderful energy of kids, dogs, and grown up kids that I really like.

However… it’s also nice to just have a bit of quiet time… because I know I will be off again soon!

I don’t know about all of you middle age somethings… but I was so wrong in my thought about what this part of life would be like with grownup kids… for some reason I thought it would be calmer… that Bill, my husband and I would have a bit of time to play more. That is not how it’s evolving!

It seems to me, that when you have chosen, as I think a lot of people I know have, to build a quality relationship with your kids, that this stage of life is filled with different energy… different demands, but rich in time with grandkids, your adult kids… and your new goals.

My grandparents were of the generation where they felt there job was to provide… but not necessarily in the same way that we have.

Yes, there are the demands of course of providing shelter, food and safety for each generation… and after that, I think each group, each generation then molds and changes how that looks.

Bill and I have spent tons of time not just providing the basics, but also trying to nurture each of kids and help them find their path… not one that we thought might be good, but the one that they felt was important and necessary for them… a path that led to the uniqueness of each of their lives now!

With all that comes the true joy of having new worlds open up to you.

As I sit here now, and enjoy the quiet… I also smile thinking about how soon again I will be back in the fray… enjoying all that comes with the loud, and crazy energy of 12+ different souls, personalities in our family.

Life in all it’s stages… don’t miss it… stay engaged… stay off the sidelines…

JUMP IN..

Until next time,

Pam

Learning and loving...

Hi all!

I have been busy in baby land and all things kid!

Our oldest daughter had her third child and we were present, and on call, and asked to help… what a blessing.

Learning and love… we do it each day of our lives! I am learning constantly how to balance my life… all the titles I hold… woman, wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, author… and GRAMMIE!

Each title has it’s parts… and I am always trying to figure out how to play those parts well.

I am learning how to love myself as a woman who is now in her 60’s… ( the creepy skin thing is real… YIKES) and see myself as a person of substance… all that I have learned and become and am still becoming…

I am learning how to continue to be a loving and supportive wife… and how that looks for me and my wonderful husband… give, take… negotiate… evolve…

I am learning how to try and adjust, shift, grow and evolve as a parent of adult children…

I am learning how to try and be a loving and supportive daughter to my stepmom who is going though a lot…

I am learning how to be a sister who is accepting of siblings who think differently than I do…

I am learning how to be a better friend… one who is there for people and aware of others needs..

I am learning how to become a better, relevant author of children’s books by leaning into being a voice for children’s hearts…

AND… I am learning how to become and evolve into the BEST Grammie I can be… because it’s a pretty great title!!!

All in all, each of those titles and the parts I play that come with them, make a life that is busy, and rich, and interesting and changing and evolving daily.

How do the titles and the parts you play shape your lives?

I am curious…

Let me know…

Until next time,

Pam

Family...

Hi All,

I know FAMILY is a word that can be described, categorized and defined in a variety of ways.

My Father in law used to say “Family is like fish. After 3 days, they start to smell.” The wisdom of Thomas R. Saxelby… :)

We all have 3 types of families:

The ones we are born into

The ones we create

And the ones we choose

I have had the experience over the last few years, of reconnecting with a family member of mine that I had distanced myself from for a period of years. I struggled with this person… I could not reconcile the type of life he choose with the person I knew and grew up with.

I am not trying to judge in this piece… I am instead trying to add perspective on how complicated these relationships can be.

I always said that I had a large suitcase full of characters in my family. Yet when you speak about family with good friends the comparisons can become funny… one of my friends outdid me with a cargo plane full!

The thing is, it’s a crap shoot.

You don’t get to pick who you are born to, and that my friends is the million dollar lottery ticket… Do you win, do you loose, or do you get something in between?

Sometimes, even when you have decent people raising you… there’s one child who goes off the rails.

That happened to me… in the family that I was born into. One member who choose such a different path… a path that ultimately caused much pain for the children he choose to have. He was so complicated… and provided such a challenging space for his kids to live in, grow up in, and be in.

He caused them to loose the chance to have a father they could count on … one who would make them feel safe, and give them the chance to find their best selves along the way. We all make choices…

Yet, does that preclude him from being treated with respect and dignity when he’s now at the end of his life here? Does he deserve to be cared for now?

You learn in opportunities like this… you learn if you can let go, and embrace kindness just because it’s the right thing to do… it’s not the easy thing to do… but the right thing.

This is my complicated thought for today…

Love to hear your thoughts…

Until next time,

Pam

words... they're powerful...

Hi all,

I recently shared a visual that was quite compelling… it’s on my Facebook page… Author Pam Saxelby, please take a look.

As I looked at this image again, it made my heart sad. No parent needs to be perfect, and none of us are… and I am sure all of us have said something hurtful to our children in a moment of anger, lost patience, or exhaustion.

Yet, when we do this, the ramifications for our children are huge.

Kids internalize what we say, and I wonder if the words we use are equally as powerful as the actions we choose.

I know that as an all grown up women, I still remember some challenging moments in my childhood… words that were said, in anger and haste.

No, I am not scarred for life… yet, I still remember them. And I as I think about it, some of the words used caused me to spend some time working on and through them as I became an adult.

My parents were good people who truly tried to raise us well…

My husband and I tried to look at what we had experienced as children and craft together the best parts of what we saw our parents do.

Yet, even though I know we tried hard, I am sure we were not perfect, BUT I do know that when I believed that what I had said, or did, was wrong, I would apologize to my children. In the hope that I would assuage any hurt, or minimize any pain that I had caused through my own poor choice. Demonstrating respect for them as unique people, all on their own.

I do know that being a parent is hard… but being a child is harder. They are vulnerable and need our care.

I often say that children don’t ask to be born and have no choice of who they are born to. So, when we, as parents, choose to have children, we also need to choose the words we use around them.

Words are extremely powerful… I would ask each of us to choose the words we use carefully… they can do either a lifetime of good, or a lifetime of harm.

The words I choose right now to sign off on today’s thoughts are:

Love

Care

Respect

Love your children well, care for them well, and respect them. They deserve that.

Until next time,

Pam

Inspiration!

Hi all,

I wanted to share this post.... hope you enjoy!

The inspiration for my upcoming book, The Great Grace Escape came from watching my daughter-in-law one day as she sat in our living room in Brooklyn, super pregnant. Her belly was dancing and bopping and we joked that the baby inside must either be practicing her boxing skills and saying, “how do I get out??”. I thought, to myself: this little person must be pretty dynamic. She’s already making her personality known and she hasn’t even been born yet. I started thinking about what Grace might be thinking in there, what her personality would be like when she arrived… That’s how the idea of The Great Grace Escape was born! Pre-order your copy now for the holiday release! 
 

Until next time,

Pam

When your children teach you....

Hi All...

One of the most rewarding things about working on my new book is collaborating with my adult children. The idea for The Great Grace Escape (coming this holiday season) came from watching my daughter in law’s belly bop and wiggle as their daughter-to-be moved around in the womb. We joked that Grace must be practicing boxing and doing gymnastics in there, and my son Bill said, “Mom, it seems like this baby really wants to get out. That’s what your new book should be about!” Imagining Grace’s world in-utero, and collaborating with my daughter Anne to bring it to life in pictures has been a lot of work and a lot of fun. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that these creative, independent adults were once just waiting to be born like Grace! You can now pre-order The Great Grace Escape in time for the Holiday release!

Stay tuned... more stories to come :)

Until next time,

Pam

 

Constant learning...

Hi All!

I am constantly aware of how wonderful it is to continue to learn... 

As I am going through this process of completing my new book, The Great Grace Escape, I am working with a dynamic team of young women, who are showing me, helping me, and teaching me new things.

I am also working with my son, my son-in-law and husband as well.. learning from all of them!

Each one of them has a certain set of skills and expertise that they are willing to share with me as I continue this evolution of authorship.

It's quite cool to  be working with my adult children, their spouses and friends to accomplish my neweset goal...

Previously, and all parents can attest to this, our goal was to help our children learn and evolve, and become who they are meant to be... NOW....

It's quite fun to be at this next part of life where they are willing, excited, able and qualified to help me!

Have fun today... Go learn something new!

Until next time,

Pam

First day of School!!!!!

Hi All!

Well... it's that time of the year again!

I watched the bus go around our neighborhood... and am seeing a lot of lovely photos on Social Media of kids, and families...

It's just such fun seeing all the kids and how much they have grown and changed... I am seeing photos of kids that I taught ... and time sure has flown!

So, have a great new year... kids... and parents... enjoy... the routine is back! 

PLAY!!!!

Hi all!

While I was watching one of the morning shows this morning, I happened on a segment about play and why it's important for our children.

It's so wonderful to have this idea promoted!  I am sharing the link (hopefully) with you below.  Take a minute or two... to review and take this thought process in... it's so good for our kids!  

https://www.cbsnews.com/video/prescription-for-play-its-brain-building-for-kids-study-finds/

 

Until next time,

Pam

Questions...

Hi All,

I had the chance this morning to think a lot about questions...

I was on a walk,  as has been my new routine, to get coffee at a little place in our town.  I love my walks... they give me time to think, and reflect and contemplate.

After my coffee I decided to walk to our Farmer's Market to get some flowers to put on my Mom's grave on my walk back home.

I got some red gladiolas because she always liked going to the market and getting those for her home...

I got to the cemetery, placed the flowers on her grave, and decided to lay down on the soft grass next to it, and contemplate.  I was lying there, staring up at the sky, when I heard a voice... which surprised me, since I hadn't heard anyone else walk in.  He was kind enough to warn me about bugs in the grass... so maybe I shouldn't be just lying around in it!

I got up, and went to chat with this individual, and learned about why he was in the cemetery at that moment.

It seems, he was visiting someone too...

I had asked, on the first part of my walk, some questions about things that were on my mind, and had also asked for some help and guidance today... actually one of the questions I asked, was for an amazing experience today...

I got that at the cemetery.

I was there visiting my Mom, which for me is always bittersweet and frequently makes me sad... 

However this morning, the gentlemen who was kind enough to warn me about bugs... was there to visit his daughter.

He told me his story.  Then, he let me ask him questions about his daughter, and her life, and his family.  He was amazing in his candor, and in sharing all that made his daughter such an amazing life force. 

My heart was heavy, as I am certain any person would be, realizing that I was there visiting my Mom, and he was there visiting his daughter... of course my question was Why?  Why do children sometimes have to leave so early, when their life is just starting, and they could do so much more for the world?

I don't have any answers for that question....

I do though, have a response... Make a difference in someone's life... listen... take time... be kind.

He shared his daughter's legacy with me... 

MaddysVoice.com...  http://www.maddysvoice.com/

If you have a question about how to make a difference today, check it out.  Hear her voice, and choose to help.

Until next time,

Be kind... Pam