words... they're powerful...

Hi all,

I recently shared a visual that was quite compelling… it’s on my Facebook page… Author Pam Saxelby, please take a look.

As I looked at this image again, it made my heart sad. No parent needs to be perfect, and none of us are… and I am sure all of us have said something hurtful to our children in a moment of anger, lost patience, or exhaustion.

Yet, when we do this, the ramifications for our children are huge.

Kids internalize what we say, and I wonder if the words we use are equally as powerful as the actions we choose.

I know that as an all grown up women, I still remember some challenging moments in my childhood… words that were said, in anger and haste.

No, I am not scarred for life… yet, I still remember them. And I as I think about it, some of the words used caused me to spend some time working on and through them as I became an adult.

My parents were good people who truly tried to raise us well…

My husband and I tried to look at what we had experienced as children and craft together the best parts of what we saw our parents do.

Yet, even though I know we tried hard, I am sure we were not perfect, BUT I do know that when I believed that what I had said, or did, was wrong, I would apologize to my children. In the hope that I would assuage any hurt, or minimize any pain that I had caused through my own poor choice. Demonstrating respect for them as unique people, all on their own.

I do know that being a parent is hard… but being a child is harder. They are vulnerable and need our care.

I often say that children don’t ask to be born and have no choice of who they are born to. So, when we, as parents, choose to have children, we also need to choose the words we use around them.

Words are extremely powerful… I would ask each of us to choose the words we use carefully… they can do either a lifetime of good, or a lifetime of harm.

The words I choose right now to sign off on today’s thoughts are:

Love

Care

Respect

Love your children well, care for them well, and respect them. They deserve that.

Until next time,

Pam

Inspiration!

Hi all,

I wanted to share this post.... hope you enjoy!

The inspiration for my upcoming book, The Great Grace Escape came from watching my daughter-in-law one day as she sat in our living room in Brooklyn, super pregnant. Her belly was dancing and bopping and we joked that the baby inside must either be practicing her boxing skills and saying, “how do I get out??”. I thought, to myself: this little person must be pretty dynamic. She’s already making her personality known and she hasn’t even been born yet. I started thinking about what Grace might be thinking in there, what her personality would be like when she arrived… That’s how the idea of The Great Grace Escape was born! Pre-order your copy now for the holiday release! 
 

Until next time,

Pam

When your children teach you....

Hi All...

One of the most rewarding things about working on my new book is collaborating with my adult children. The idea for The Great Grace Escape (coming this holiday season) came from watching my daughter in law’s belly bop and wiggle as their daughter-to-be moved around in the womb. We joked that Grace must be practicing boxing and doing gymnastics in there, and my son Bill said, “Mom, it seems like this baby really wants to get out. That’s what your new book should be about!” Imagining Grace’s world in-utero, and collaborating with my daughter Anne to bring it to life in pictures has been a lot of work and a lot of fun. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that these creative, independent adults were once just waiting to be born like Grace! You can now pre-order The Great Grace Escape in time for the Holiday release!

Stay tuned... more stories to come :)

Until next time,

Pam

 

Constant learning...

Hi All!

I am constantly aware of how wonderful it is to continue to learn... 

As I am going through this process of completing my new book, The Great Grace Escape, I am working with a dynamic team of young women, who are showing me, helping me, and teaching me new things.

I am also working with my son, my son-in-law and husband as well.. learning from all of them!

Each one of them has a certain set of skills and expertise that they are willing to share with me as I continue this evolution of authorship.

It's quite cool to  be working with my adult children, their spouses and friends to accomplish my neweset goal...

Previously, and all parents can attest to this, our goal was to help our children learn and evolve, and become who they are meant to be... NOW....

It's quite fun to be at this next part of life where they are willing, excited, able and qualified to help me!

Have fun today... Go learn something new!

Until next time,

Pam

First day of School!!!!!

Hi All!

Well... it's that time of the year again!

I watched the bus go around our neighborhood... and am seeing a lot of lovely photos on Social Media of kids, and families...

It's just such fun seeing all the kids and how much they have grown and changed... I am seeing photos of kids that I taught ... and time sure has flown!

So, have a great new year... kids... and parents... enjoy... the routine is back! 

PLAY!!!!

Hi all!

While I was watching one of the morning shows this morning, I happened on a segment about play and why it's important for our children.

It's so wonderful to have this idea promoted!  I am sharing the link (hopefully) with you below.  Take a minute or two... to review and take this thought process in... it's so good for our kids!  

https://www.cbsnews.com/video/prescription-for-play-its-brain-building-for-kids-study-finds/

 

Until next time,

Pam

Questions...

Hi All,

I had the chance this morning to think a lot about questions...

I was on a walk,  as has been my new routine, to get coffee at a little place in our town.  I love my walks... they give me time to think, and reflect and contemplate.

After my coffee I decided to walk to our Farmer's Market to get some flowers to put on my Mom's grave on my walk back home.

I got some red gladiolas because she always liked going to the market and getting those for her home...

I got to the cemetery, placed the flowers on her grave, and decided to lay down on the soft grass next to it, and contemplate.  I was lying there, staring up at the sky, when I heard a voice... which surprised me, since I hadn't heard anyone else walk in.  He was kind enough to warn me about bugs in the grass... so maybe I shouldn't be just lying around in it!

I got up, and went to chat with this individual, and learned about why he was in the cemetery at that moment.

It seems, he was visiting someone too...

I had asked, on the first part of my walk, some questions about things that were on my mind, and had also asked for some help and guidance today... actually one of the questions I asked, was for an amazing experience today...

I got that at the cemetery.

I was there visiting my Mom, which for me is always bittersweet and frequently makes me sad... 

However this morning, the gentlemen who was kind enough to warn me about bugs... was there to visit his daughter.

He told me his story.  Then, he let me ask him questions about his daughter, and her life, and his family.  He was amazing in his candor, and in sharing all that made his daughter such an amazing life force. 

My heart was heavy, as I am certain any person would be, realizing that I was there visiting my Mom, and he was there visiting his daughter... of course my question was Why?  Why do children sometimes have to leave so early, when their life is just starting, and they could do so much more for the world?

I don't have any answers for that question....

I do though, have a response... Make a difference in someone's life... listen... take time... be kind.

He shared his daughter's legacy with me... 

MaddysVoice.com...  http://www.maddysvoice.com/

If you have a question about how to make a difference today, check it out.  Hear her voice, and choose to help.

Until next time,

Be kind... Pam

 

 

 

Owning? Affirming? Deciding?

Hi all!

Over the last week, I wrote posts about owning your own wisdom, and affirmations... do we need them?

As the week has progressed, I have had more time to ponder the idea of affirmations, and also deciding on how, or what kind of power they will have in my life.

Deciding I think is the key... the key to many parts of  life.

As I have decided to find my inner compass, and use that guide as my directional... I feel more empowered to be who I am striving to be.

I had the opportunity to deal with a number of confrontations this past week... we have a variety of transitions going on in our life, and instead of pausing, and waiting to see what might be the group thought process, which I would have done in the past, I chose to evaluate, and speak out.

I had a situation at a restaurant, and it was not pleasant.   Usually when we have been there it has been a great experience, but not this time.  Instead of staying quiet I spoke up... then also commented on what I felt... and was reprimanded by someone who was with us.  I chose this time, and am beginning to do this more often, to be clear on what I think... not needing permission, or affirmations from anyone else for the thoughts, responses, and feelings that I have.  

 I am a woman now, who has decided not to live her life pleasing others... 

My goal is not to just be obstinate or confrontational, but empowering and loving of myself. Someone that I trust deeply, has used this wise line... "I'm not saying no to you, I am saying yes to me."

So, as I think about owning, affirming and deciding, deciding and owning are what I am concentrating on.

My life is mine to own, and design. 

So is yours....

Until next time,

Pam

 

 

 

 

Affirmations...

Hi all!

What are affirmations?  Why are they valuable?  Do we need them... or do they get in the way of what we are trying to become?

After my last post, "Owning your own wisdom", I received such a wealth of knowledge about how people felt about and reacted to this post.  I have to say that the large majority of the responses I received were overly positive... and then also some were evocative.  

Some of the thoughts shared were how it touched peoples hearts... and how the post spoke to them. I felt honored, and happy that people responded that way.  

And... then there were those who didn't affirm... or perhaps didn't relate to what I was expressing, or have another take on that thought... the idea, that we are enough, just the way we are.

What a wonderful chance to have a conversation about what matters, and how we decide what that is in our lives!

Do affirmations matter?  Or do they distract from the ability to grow... to live in that space that can be uncomfortable while growth happens?

I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Until next time,

Pam

 

 

Owning your own wisdom...

Hi All!

Last night, during our neighborhood 4th of July Celebrations,  which is always fun because of the variety of age groups,  I had the great fortune to spend  time with a young woman, whom I have known since she was born.... MY how time flies. 

Grace just finished her first year of college, and while we were talking about all the changes and exciting things that have occurred in her life this past year, I noticed she was wearing a beautiful blue ring on her ring finger.  I complimented her on it, and asked her about it.

She shared the best story with me while we were sitting next to each other in the dark, on a side street watching our local Fireworks display explode all around us. It was a wonderful backdrop to the story she began to tell me.

She said her Grandmother had a beautiful diamond ring that Grace always admired when she was a little girl.  She asked her Grandmother about it,  and inquired about who gave it to her.

Her Grandmother said that no one had given it to her.  She had purchased it as a gift to herself.  It was to remind her of her own beauty, value, and importance.  

Grace then shared that was why she had her beautiful blue ring ... the one  that I complimented her on.  She bought the ring for herself as a symbol that she was enough all on her own,  that she was valuable, important and loved.  She said it was to remind her to love and care for herself well ...that she did not need anyone else to affirm her value or worth as a woman.   A gift from herself... a gift to honor herself.

I smiled in the dark, and thought about that power.... the power of women sharing, and passing their wisdom on to their younger family members as a guide to learn from and find their own empowerment.

In this climate of the #metoo movement, and the continued empowering of women... I told Grace Bravo.... Bravo for knowing and owning the wisdom her Grandmother shared with her, and embracing it as her own.

I am thinking about what I might buy myself...  

Until next time,

Pam